I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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