you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
