Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
