As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
