you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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