I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize