Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
