best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
