dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize