I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
wow bdsm is so cute
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
