I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize