I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
