Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
