Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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