My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
