He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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