How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
