we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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