wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
