i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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