I'm so fucking centered right now
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
