Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
