i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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