Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
