Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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