I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
