just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
