Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
