Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
