you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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