I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
