Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
