i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
