Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
