i will never coherently bang her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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