I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
