Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
