if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize