I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
