I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
