I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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