There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize