I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
