Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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