I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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