One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
