It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
