we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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