something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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