My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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