i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
