Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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