Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
did you just send me my own nude
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
