is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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