I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
