I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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