my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think a kid would responsible me up
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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