maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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