i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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