I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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