if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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