guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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