You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize