Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My cat gives me a boner
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
did i just pee glitter
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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