I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
