Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize