I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
the raccoons are back...
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