Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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