Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
