I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
love makes seman taste better
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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