Me. At least after what I've been through.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
