why didn't you poke me back
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Boobs speak an international language.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
