There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
