just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
