quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
