So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
