I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Houston, we have a squirter
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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