He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
